Why we get angry and how to learn to control ourselves

Why we get angry and how to learn to control ourselves

Anger is a strong emotion that appears in response to impetus.

Together with anger, we often experience a stress. Everyone gets angry sometimes, but things can get out of control.

Anger is a powerful and intense emotion that arises in response to various triggers or stimuli. It is a natural human response, often accompanied by stress. While it is normal for individuals to feel anger on occasion, it is important to recognize that anger can escalate and become uncontrollable if not managed properly.

When anger becomes overwhelming, it can have detrimental effects on both our mental and physical well-being. Prolonged and uncontrolled anger can lead to chronic stress, which can negatively impact our health, relationships, and overall quality of life.

Understanding the triggers and underlying causes of anger is crucial in learning how to manage and control it effectively. Practicing self-awareness and developing healthy coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or seeking support from others, can help mitigate the destructive consequences of unchecked anger.

It is also essential to recognize that anger can be a sign of deeper underlying issues, such as unresolved trauma, frustration, or unmet needs. Seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, can provide valuable guidance and support in addressing these root causes and managing anger in a healthy manner.

By acknowledging anger as a natural emotion and learning to channel it constructively, we can avoid the potential pitfalls of unchecked anger and lead a more balanced and fulfilling life.

What are the types of anger and how to deal with it?

How our body reacts to anger

When someone is angry, a number of biological processes take place in his body. They may include:

  • pressure increase;
  • increased tension in the muscles;
  • surge of stress hormones (adrenaline and norepinephrine);
  • increase in body temperature.

Anger can be expressed verbally (people turn to shouting and mutual insults) and non-verbally (frowning eyebrows, palm clenched into a fist). This can lead to fighting and injury to yourself and others.

What are the types of anger

Psychologists distinguish three main types of anger.

Passive-aggressive. A person tries to cope with anger through suppression, but he fails, and as a result, anger gets out in a veiled way — through actions or words that seem harmless, but in fact can hurt more than a scream.

Assertive. When used correctly, this is the healthiest way to express anger, as one expresses one’s anger calmly and directly. If the interlocutor-irritant is able to listen and explain his behavior in the same manner, then the conflict can be resolved without aggression.

Aggressive. The most dangerous type, as it often escalates into a fight. The participants can inflict emotional and physical injury on each other.

How does it work in practice?

Imagine the situation: two friends, Matt and Ann, are renting an apartment together. Matt is tired of Ann always forgetting to wash the dishes. Here’s how he can express anger in different ways.

Passive-aggressive. "You know, I’ve noticed that you don’t wash your dishes all the time. Perhaps because of your slovenliness, the boyfriend left you.

Aggressive. Matt throws a plate at Ann’s feet and shouts: "Will you ever start washing dishes after eating?! I’m already fed up with it!"

Assertive. "Let's discuss one problem. I don’t like that you don’t wash your dishes. It pisses me off, but out of respect for you, I washed up after you a couple of times. Please start doing it yourself."

Anger control

It is essential to find ways to deal with anger without repressing it or becoming overtly aggressive. Anger can be disastrous, so it’s important to keep it under control. To do this, follow these rules:

Determine the reason. Often it is not so obvious. For example, you may be angry because you are afraid of being alone, or because the person’s action reminded you of some traumatic event.

Take it easy. You can use one of the techniques for quick relaxation. All of them are suitable in order to reduce the pressure of emotions.

Get some body exercise. They are useful not only for the body, but also for mental health. Strong emotions like anger can be turned into fuel to run a couple of miles or score the best goal of your life.

Release emotions. You can’t suppress anger. This will have a cumulative effect that will only make things worse in the long run. It is important to process emotions and let them go.

If you feel that you cannot control your anger on your own or its attacks are becoming more frequent, contact a psychotherapist. He will help determine the cause and suggest suitable tools for managing anger.
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